Objections to the swinger lifestyle

Practical objections

A subset of swingers play without protection, a practice called barebacking; however, the majority promote their activities as safe sex and will not engage with others who do not also practice safe sex. An informal survey of swingers (most of whom were from the UK) showed that 73% practice safe sex.[13] Opponents of swinging argue that even protected sex is too risky, especially in the light of the upsurge in sexually transmitted diseases such as AIDS, and the risk of pregnancy.

Some who object to swinging assert that sexual relations, by their very nature, have an emotional component to them. Since many swingers are in a committed emotional relationship with one partner (see History, above), engaging in sexual relations with a person outside the relationship could emotionally damage the relationship of the committed couple. Intimacy might be diminished by sex with others, and this diminished intimacy may lead to the end of the relationship.

Another argument states that one partner (stereotypically the male) may be more enthusiastic about swinging than the other, and the less willing partner may feel pushed or coerced into taking part, thus leading to the break up of the relationship or psychological problems.

Moral and philosophical objections

Objections pertaining to the basic principles of swinging on a moral or philosophical basis may include the sacred nature of sexual relations between two persons, or the view that sexual relations should only occur within a committed relationship (sometimes stated as "only within a marriage"). Those invoking this reasoning may assert that in order to engage in a swinging relationship, one must degrade sexual relations to the most basic element of pleasure, which would be in violation of the sacred nature of sexual relationships. Some argue that if sex becomes the main reason for swinging, sex may become mechanistic and less satisfying than the intimacy experienced by monogamous couples.

Common responses to objections to the swinger lifestyle

Responses to practical objections

Many couples enter into swinging while already in secure relationships, providing an added motivation to avoid excessive sexual health risks. While sexual affairs outside of relationships may be committed in the "heat of the moment" without regard to future consequences, most swingers maintain that sex among swingers is a much more thought-out and practical affair.

Many swinging clubs in the US and UK do not have alcohol licenses and have a "bring your own beverage" (BYOB) policy. Also, it is not uncommon for experienced swingers to remain sober; these individuals may consequently state that they take a far safer approach to their sexual health than that of comparable non-monogamous singles (who would ostensibly have impaired judgment from becoming inebriated).

Condoms are required at most swinging clubs and parties, unless clearly stated otherwise. In addition, a minority of swingers rely on regular STD testing to ensure their safety. A small portion of swingers alternatively focus on massage and other activities that are unlikely to transmit STDs; however, most participants in a swinging lifestyle acknowledge that they are accepting the same risks that any sexually promiscuous member of society does.

Although there is a risk of pregnancy in many cases, there are ways to completely avoid the problem. Some solutions would be neutering at least one gender, or having a group with entirely menopausal women. Some also contend that even without these methods, non-permanent birth control methods are effective enough.

Some believe that sexual attraction is part of human nature, and as such, it should be respected and openly enjoyed by a committed or married couple. Some swingers cite divorce data in the US, claiming that the quality (or lack of quality) of sex and spousal infidelity are significant contributing factors in divorce. One study showed that 37% of husbands and 29% of wives admit to having had at least one extramarital affair (Reinisch, 1990), and divorce rates for first marriages approached 60%.[1]

As one study asserted:

According to King (1996) one of the things that normally occurs in a relationship leading to changes in how we interact with our partners is sexual habituation. At approximately three to seven years into a marriage, it begins to take increased levels of stimulation to produce the same level of sexual excitation previously obtained by a glance or a simple touch. A couple that is receptive to new and different sexual experiences will begin to explore different avenues of shared sexual fulfillment in order to continue to grow together. At this stressful point in marriages infidelity increases and the divorce rate peaks. Couples who find a way to reconnect physically and emotionally are more likely to make it through this period. Swinging may be one creative solution to the problem of habituation – it provides sexual variety, adventure, and the opportunity to live out one's fantasies as a couple without secrecy and deceit.[1]

In essence, some swinging couples maintain that by enjoying the very nature of sexuality with one's partner, a great number of marriages and relationships would be saved.

Many swingers report that their core relationships are actually strengthened through swinging, and they usually claim that their sex lives are more, not less, intimate and satisfying. Jealousy can occur, but proponents of swinging assert that jealousy is mainly reported among couples whose relationships were already unstable. The effect of swinging on unstable relationships has yet to be conclusively determined.

Responses to moral and philosophical objections

Swingers provide a variety of responses to moral and philosophical objections. As with any group or large enough community, the depth and type of spiritual philosophies among swingers varies greatly. A common response given by swingers to moral and philosophical objections is that there is a difference between having sex and making love. Ironically, this is one of the main objections that religious groups have to swinging: namely, that this distinction should not exist.

Swingers differentiate between fun and friendship, and the love and companionship provided by their existing relationship. Thus, though swingers may have many sexual relationships, only a single emotional relationship exists. Although many close friendships are formed within the swinging community, swingers often feel that nothing is more important to them than their relationship with their own partner. The intimate friendships formed among swingers strengthen the primary relationship, rather than damage it.

Swingers often claim that the sex they have is more intimate (rather than less intimate) because they are with a partner who encourages them to fulfill their fantasies; therefore, the partner is so confident in the relationship that jealousy is not an issue. Swingers also claim that swinging makes infidelity less likely, as they know they can have sexual contact with others with their partner's consent.

Various responses exist to those who object to swinging on the basis of their faith. Many swingers feel that their activities in their own homes or private clubs, simply put, are not for others to judge. Others believe that as long as they remain in love and consider their relationships to be sacred, any playing they do does not contradict the sanctity of their relationships, and is consistent with their spiritual values.